Because something like this would happen to me

Woooooooow……I’m only hopping back on here because tweeting this story was getting tedious. But woooooow….I can’t believe that this is my life and quite frankly I need to take someone else on this wild ride with me in order to process what I just experienced. For this story to make sense, let’s take a quick trip back to July 2016.

Summer 2016, I made a pact with my cousin to give online dating a chance. We had to try it out for at least a few months and if we actually went on a date with someone, we had to try to give him 3 chances. If you’ve ever dated men, you know that it’s a challenge to tolerate them for 1 date, let alone 3. But your girl was determined to make the most of this and thought “this can’t be so terrible. I know people who’ve met significant others online. This is the wave of the future.”

bless her heart

I know…I know (Credit: RuPaul’s Drag Race)

I won’t bore you with the details of my dating adventures that summer. Most of them were duds. I did meet one, who at first didn’t seem so terrible (SIKE!). We met up for drinks, which turned into dinner, which turned into dancing. After a 6 or 7-hours long first date, I thought, “Wow, they really be out here. Girl, you found the one dude who is smart, funny and doesn’t have trash politics.” The man and I discussed the various waves of feminism over Red Stripe. Come on! If that wasn’t someone “fait sur mesure“, I don’t know what is. Again, as anyone who dates men knows, that shit went left real quick. Since I’m not trying to get sued, I won’t share details about this person but chile…..this man had 99 problems and then some. But did I listen to all of my internal cues and run as far away as possible?

send me a sign

And when it definitely did not work out romantically (because duh), I thought “you know what? We should be friends!”

why do I do this

So here I am, 2 years later, “friends” with this person. Now there are many more connections as we have a few mutual friends, shared experiences etc…And a naive part of me wanted to believe that him and I were friends. But as my twitter followers know, I had been grappling with whether or not I wanted to remain friends with this person. As I examined my friendships, I realized that this person took much more than they gave and even in the context of friendship, they were still TRASH. After some consideration, I decided to ghost this friendship, having made sure that I had nothing left to feel guilty about or say.

And now that you’re kind of caught up (honestly this story involves a different country, a bet because of Jesus (try figuring that one out) and so much more), let’s talk about Sunday, June 10th in the year of our Lord, 2018.

picture it sicily

(Credit: The Golden Girls)

My new friend had made plans to bring her new friend to my apartment for some leisure pool time. To avoid confusion, let’s call my new friend G. and her new friend C. We start by admiring and commenting on the omnipresence of Black people in Atlanta and end up talking about problematic Black men. As G and C are talking about how some men have terrible politics (in this context, men who buy into misogyny or homophobia, for example) , I acquiesce and say “Even when their politics aren’t trash, they’re emotionally unavailable.” C agrees and says something along the lines of “I was just talking about this to my Haitian friend. She knows this guy who is really smart and has good politics, but is emotionally unavailable.” Most people would have shaken their heads and said “I hear that.” But because my life is what it is, here’s what happened next:

I say, jokingly and nonchalantly: Sounds like me and your friend know the same guy, lol. 

C chuckles and says: Hahaha,right? No, this guy is in New York. 

Perplexed, I respond: Actually, so is the one I was thinking of. Or at least he was.

C starts looking a little worried and jokingly says: Harlem?

I gulp: Yep

C responds: Was he [insert occupation] at [insert location]?

At this point, I’ve realized the universe is fucking with me because the person I was thinking about was absolutely a [insert occupation] at [insert location].

C starts freaking out and also thinks it might be the same person. And then she tells me what her friend is studying and I know, right then and there, that this is indeed the same person. I give C the guy’s name and she texts her friend. No response.

89FPHlL

After what feels like an eternity, C’s friend responds with “Lol. why? What’s up?

sips-tea_2

Now I would just like to pause here and note that there are millions of people in New York and probably millions of emotionally unavailable men. Also, I did not meet this person in New York. All of this to say that it did not have to go down like that.

So we call C’s friend.

“Excuse me can I please talk to you for a minute?
Uh huh sure, you know you look kinda familiar
Yeah you do to, but I just wanted to know do you know somebody named?
You know his name
Oh yeah definitely I know his name” (
LyricsThe Boy is Mine)

220px-The_Boy_Is_Mine_(Brandy_single)_coverart

Ok, it didn’t quite go down like that but close. Her and I exchange notes and turns out this person is out here having the most formulaic interactions with Black women. Homie is out here finding women of the African diaspora (both sis and I are Haitian), highly educated (sis just finished up the first year of her PhD, I’m starting mine in the fall), and prone to wanting to fix people (self drag), to unpack his emotional scars. I had a theory that he didn’t actually value Black women as people. I think that he is a person who claims to see Black women’s personhood but actually uses them as tools to facilitate his healing and seek atonement for/from his past (whatever that might be). Sis was a little more blunt in her assessment (I want to write what she said but there’s a part of me that realizes that it doesn’t need to repeated on the internet. Darn you morals).

While I would like to say that “this is a prime example of why dating sucks”, that would be too easy. This is a prime example of “you played yourself.” As much as I don’t want to admit it, I’ve known this about this person. For years now. I’ve seen the red flags. I just wasn’t ready to let them go. I thought there were so many redeeming things about them and I wanted to believe that they really cared about me. Whether as a friend or more than a friend. Because I really cared about them. And maybe, because deep down, I still had feelings for them *Cringe*. I mean…a few months ago, I was fighting back tears on the A train because I realized that I could no longer ignore the truth of my relationship with this person.

dj-khaled-you-played-yourself-gif-3

Anyways, after 30 minutes of dragging this person (and me), sis ends the conversation by telling C that she recently published an article and that she will send the link. C says that she will share it with me. Turns out I read the article some time last week (because again, this is how my life works now) and…

confuse

P.S.: I kind of missed this. Maybe I should consider coming back to this as a distraction, once I start school next year. Maybe…

P.P.S.: I’m fine. It’s fine. But also, woooooow…..the world is too darn small.

Are you thirsty? Celebrity edition

#FBF…Thought we’d revisit this one as well. I’m only talking about people who are thirsty when it comes to celebrities but I have seen some PARCHED behavior in real life so stay tuned for the regular folk version. Also, turns out I’ve disappointing y’all with long absences for years. I will never change and I’ve accepted myself for who I truly am. I hope you have as well. 

——————–

Welcome back folks! I know I’ve been gone for a while, but I was trying to…you know…have a life. That’s a damn lie I’m just SUPER lazy, which is a terrible trait for a “blogger”. But after getting several reminder messages that it’s been a while since my last post, I decided to sit down and try to write something. After much digging and searching, I found the perfect topic to discuss, thanks to Valentine’s day (and years of scrolling through Youtube comments)

You may be thinking “Oh boy! We’re about to read 500 words of pure bitterness” or “If she starts talking about how much she loves LOVE, I’m burning my computer.” If you are then a) You’re a hater and b) You’re wrong. I wouldn’t do that to y’all. You’re entitled to be bitterly single (or bitterly in a relationship) as well as happily single ( or in a relationship).

If you spent Feb 14th like this:

(via NBC's Parks and Recreation)

(via NBC’s Parks and Recreation)

Or like this:

(via CW's Vampire Diaries)

(via CW’s Vampire Diaries)

Or even like this:

(via NBC's Friends)

(via NBC’s Friends)

…more power to you! I’m not particularly interested in telling you what you’re doing wrong or right. Mainly because I’m definitely doing it wrong.

However, I do think I can lend my expertise to help you figure out if you’re THIRSTY. (My friend and I discussed starting a Youtube channel to talk about this and I really think we did the world a disservice by not following through with that plan).

Now before we can figure out if you’re thirsty, let’s consult Urban dictionary to see what exactly THIRST/THIRSTY means.

Thirst-y (adjective): Pronounced /ˈTHərstē/ — Too eager for attention, desperate

After reading that definition, if you thought, even for a split second that you might be thirsty, chances are, you definitely probably possibly might be. For the rest of y’all, you may be a little bit more stubborn but I’ve got more evidence to present.

Exhibit A: Do you leave these sorts of comments on celebrities’ (or people you don’t know personally) Instagram pages? In light of Valentine’s day, I’m including some personal favorites:

Thirst example 1 O R                    Thirsty comments 2

Side note: that one time you took a picture together after a concert, does not mean that you’re [insert “star” name here]’s soul mate. Leaving comments alluding to the contrary is still creepy. Hate to break it to you boo boo.

Exhibit B: Do you tweet celebrities 19823776655 times a day, hoping that they will tweet back?

Exhibit C: Do you think that a particular celebrity might secretly have a crush on you because they favorited your tweet?

Exhibit D: Do you walk around telling people that [whoever the kids are obsessing over these days] is your soul mate?

Exhibit E: Do you make comments like : “Oh my goodness, please let me babysit.” or “Can you adopt me?” on YouTubers’ videos?

If you’ve even thought about saying yes to any of those questions, then I’m talking to you.

Welcome my child! The first step is admitting that you may have a problem. I just want you to know that there is help.

First step: Thirst Detox! Also known as…

Thirsty

( via NBC’s Will and Grace)

– Stop doing what you’re doing, RIGHT THIS SECOND!

Odds are, if you answered yes to these questions, you’re a 12 year-old Justin Bieber fan and I don’t expect better from you. If you’re not, then we need to re-evaluate your priorities.

I have no problem going old school and throwing a shoe/chancla to knock some sense into you (Caribbean/Hispanic children have survived centuries of shoe-throwing and are better for it! I would just be doing my part)

Second step : See step 1.

There really shouldn’t be more than 1 step to this. Leaving these sorts of comments reeks of desperation.  You’re better than this, or at least you should be.

If none of those steps work, we can always go the Maury route. I can imagine the promo for the episode now: *Maury voice* If you or a family member suffers from thirstiness and would like help quenching your thirst, call 1-800- MAURY. That’s 1-800-MAURY. Call now!

By the way, some of y’all might be thinking, “Well…no offense but you have thirsty tendencies as well. You keep referring to Idris Elba as your hubby.”

And to that I respond, “I’m sorry but you seem to be confused. He belongs to me. [Finish the lyric]”

P.S: If you couldn’t finish that lyric, get your life! And consult this masterpiece. 90s Realness!

P.P.S:  On a serious note, it’s disconcerting to see some of the comments on Youtube videos, Instagram and tweets from “fans”. And a lot of them are from the youths. Kids, I understand that you may strongly relate to these youtubers but telling them that “they mean the world to you” or “no one matters to me more than you” is troubling. There’s a great big world out there. And while everything may feel like life or death right now (believe me, I was a 14-year-old girl once. A highly emotional one at that), it’s not. Admire and enjoy the creative content, find inspiration,  but DO NOT make these STRANGERS your priority in life. There’s a fine line between “thirsty” and stalker, and some of y’all are dangerously creeping towards stalker category. They will (and should) call the cops. Do NOT, I repeat, DO NOT show up at their house unannounced! (Yes this has happened)

Be like the rest of us. Make them your friends (in your head), but go out and make real friends.