Talk White to Me?!?!?!?

First, since not a single one of you suggested changes to make this blog more reader friendly, I’m going to assume that it’s perfect.

snape flawlessSecond, did y’all see Dear White People? Wanna put in your 2 cents about the movie? I’m really interested to hear different perspectives.

Now, on to our weekly dose of awkward. Y’all really appreciated the post on speed dating and wanted to hear more awkward dating stories. And while I don’t have a ton of dating experience (read: I have a minuscule amount), all of it has managed to be awkward and/or terrible. I would take responsibility but I promise that it’s always been the guy’s fault.

For instance, there was R. R and I met at a French language meetup which was already a great way to start. I find anyone who makes the effort to actively learn a new skill fascinating and it was a nice bonus that we could converse (In case you didn’t know, it’s converse not conversate) in another language. Plus, he had a dry, sarcastic sense of humor and I am a sucker for that (Note: there is a difference between having a dry sense of humor and being an asshole). So we talked for most of the night and then exchanged phone numbers.

We texted/talked on the phone throughout the following week and set up a food truck tasting date (GASP, I know. People in their 20s actually using a phone to talk). Unfortunately the weather was terrible on the day of the actual date, so we decided to meet up at a coffee shop. My twist-out was on point and I had finally found a pair of jeans that weren’t up to my ankle, so your girl was feeling wicked confident (I apparently have not learned to stop wasting my good twist-out days on bad dates)

So I head to the coffee shop and on my way I get distracted by this incense shop. I walk in and decide to peruse the aisles while waiting for R to show up. He calls to tell me that he just parked and ends up committing the first gaffe (fancy word for blunder) of the date. After I kindly give him directions to the coffee shop and tell him that I’m at the incense store next door, he proceeds to tell me :”Oh no, my ex was really into incense too”

Now if you don’t already know this, bringing up an ex during a date is a big NO NO. But I decided to let it slide. After all, I could see how that might be an alarming coincidence. Yeah… it ended up being the first of many references to this ex. I left the date knowing more about his ex than about close friends of mine, and apparently, her and I had a lot in common.

We both had eyes, a nose, legs and arms. We both liked hummus and sitting down. Oh, and we also both had skin! What are the odds that he would find two ladies that were so similar? And did I mention that they had only broken up 2 months prior, after dating for 4 years?

I wish I could say that was the last of it. But nope. I am a glutton for punishment. I kept talking to this dude but had pretty much decided that we were going to be friends. And then one night, he calls me to check in. During the conversation, he mentions that he’s driving. As a responsible adult, I tell him to hang up and call me back when he’s arrived at his destination. His response: “Oh no, it’s ok. Plus, you sound White which I find soooo sexy. So yeah, just keep talking.”

excuse-me-what-did-you-sayNow that wasn’t an exact quote but it captures the essence of the bullshit he was saying. I would be lying if I said that it was the first time someone told me that “I sound White” (a topic that will be explored in a future post), but seriously, you ignorant fool?!?! (So turns out, he had a dry sense of humor AND was an asshole)

If he had said: “I find your vocabulary, tone, proper use of grammer and overall eloquence attractive”, I might have thought “This dude is weird and may be an unsub, but awwww….that’s really nice”. But no, this dickhead not only made sweeping generalizations about what a person of a certain race is supposed to sound like (aarrgh, this shit irks me so much), but was also making a questionable statement about why he found me attractive.

And if you’re thinking of saying “well certain ethnic groups do use specific slang etc…”, here’s my response:


If you’re going to rank factors that influence slang, you should start with time period and geography. There are countless examples of regional slang or decade-specific slang, e.g. 1920s cheaters =  2014 eyeglasses. So while I appreciate your attempt to defend his statement, he actually was just a dumbass.

I practically cut off all communiction after that. He clearly was looking for something that I was not and never wanted to be, and I was not checking for the ignorance he was offering.

It was such a shame too because it started off so promising, but at the end of the day, I’m taking my cues from Kenya and keeping it pressin’.


Do you have any awkward dating stories or moments? Share them in the comments. I’d love to read them.