Let’s NOT ask Steve!


Thought we’d revisit this oldie because Steve Harvey really, truly needs to stop thinking that he’s qualified to dole out advice. All he does is peddle respectability politics with a healthy dose of misogynoir. Just STFU Steve!


Two of the many things I’ve learned while living in L.A. are: a) traffic/commuting are horrible and b) there are no good radio stations. The latter discovery was fostered by my hour-long commute to work everyday during which I get to experience the full gamut of bad pranks, terrible jokes and even worse music selection. I’m sorry LA natives, I gave Big Boy’s Neighborhood a try but it reminded of a less-annoying West Coast version of Jammin’ 94.5’s “Ramiro and Pebbles’ Morning show”. Also, if you include Taylor Swift’s Shake It Off on the “Today’s Hip Hop” list, I can’t take you seriously.


Darth Susan (credit to VSB for the term) = the white woman we should all fear

Or perhaps I’ve been misinformed about Darth Susan’s credentials. After all, I’m sure the tough streets of Nashville and her 6-month stint in New York have throughly prepped TSwift for that hardcore life. I mean, she is now teaching New Yorkers everyday slang. How else would they know what a Bodega is?


My sentiments exactly Silver Fox.

Anyways I digress. Back to the terrible radio programming that LA has to offer.

Every morning without fail, while surfing through all the channels that play the same five-song rotation, I would land on the Steve Harvey radio show. Steve’s show stood out from the unimpressive crowd due to his advice segment, “Ask Steve”. “Don’t have anything better to do with their time” people (mostly women) call in and Steve offers some “wise” answer loosely based on pop psychology, sprinkled with a heaping of sexist hetero-normative bullshit. And the questions are almost always about relationships.

Now if you don’t know who Steve Harvey is, here’s a photograph:


(Photo credit: The Steve Harvey Show website) Them veneers though! Dude keeps his dentist PAID!

Now that you know what Steve looks like, here’s a little relevant info about him (I promise this is relevant to my bigger point):

  • He is a comedian
  • He was the star of the Steve Harvey Show (the sitcom)
  • Hosts Family Feud
  • Has a talk show
  • Has a radio show
  • Has been married 3 times

Somehow all of those things = PhD in Counseling psychology. So, dear cousin currently pursuing this degree [edit: since this was originally posted, she successfully defended her dissertation so you shall henceforth address her as Dr. ], apparently you’re doing it wrong. Steve has not only written a “best-selling book turned box office hit” telling women how to catch a man but he’s making a career out of this, in addition to his comedy.

Some of my personal favorites from the show include [I’m paraphrasing of course because I could never replicate such genius]:

  • If you’re making more money than your man, go home and give him all of it and let him pay the bills. Let your man be the man
  • You don’t want to be a sports fish (WTF?)
  • Be like Ford and give him a 90-day probationary period before he can get the cookie (what grown man refers to genitals as cookies while being completely serious and not addressing a child)

Argh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Why do we keep getting advice from basic ass men who often times are single as heck, thrice-divorced or just plain dumb? Why are people eating this shit up?


I don’t understand what made people like Steve Harvey, Greg Behrendt (of “He’s Just Not That Into you” Fame) or Steve “I might have some serious mommy issues” Ward , the authorities on how women can get a man.

Lack of credentials aside, their advice is usually bullshit. It’s more often than not, dehumanizing and dripping with machismo and male privilege. Recently one of their homies, Steve Santagati went on CNN to mansplain the viral video about street harassment (I have my issues with the video but still…)


Home girl in the middle’s face is absolutely priceless!

I’ve seen some of Steve S.’stuff before and wasn’t terribly surprised about what he had to say. His whole brand is about being a “bad boy” and saying absolutely terrible things about women, such as:

“Let us start with the world’s biggest catastrophe to date, OVERPOPULATION. Women are the ones actually having the children. You can blame religion, education, or the biological clock but it still comes down to one thing, women are having the children and, therefore, are directly responsible for overpopulating the planet. Ssssssh, stop yourself, I’ve already taken stock of the male role; men who impregnate women are idiots too, but this is about ULTIMATE RESPONSIBILITY.”  (Huffington Post, 11/07/2011)

So yeah, this is me when he has anything to say


But their crap “advice” aside, I think it speaks to a larger issue that there’s a market for it. We’re clearly consuming this advice in mass quantities and have fostered the success of these people. Are we that desperate to “understand the male psyche” that we’re eating up this garbage and running to the nearest Michaels’ because they’re telling us that vajazzling is the way to make him stay?

Have you ever wondered why all these self-help books are directed towards women? These con artists are taking advantage of the social edict that tells women that they’re incomplete sans man. Forging and maintaining a succesful relationship is completely the woman’s duty. If your relationship isn’t working then you must be doing something wrong and here’s a book for $19.99 on how to fix yourself. Don’t even think about asking your partner (heck, we’re going to just say man because I’m pretty sure these con men assume that all ladies want a man. It’s also implied that he’s cisgender because…duh) to change anything about himself/grow. Fix yourself, please your man and you’ll suddenly be happy.

Go ahead! Type in “Books for men on relationships” in Amazon’s search bar and see what pops up. Nothing. It’s either some book about what it means to be a real man or…you guessed it ladies,  “Ultimate Guide to keeping a man: Lessons on bending like a pretzel in bed, being his maid/mother and disappearing when he’s watching the game, unless it’s to bring him some wings and a beer”. That one is coming to a theater near you in 2017, starring Tom Cruise and Jennifer Lawrence (Because Hollywood: where romances aren’t believable unless she’s a young 20-something and he’s old enough to be her dad’s best friend). Ugh!

Oh, and Cosmo, don’t think you’re off the hook either. I’m convinced that you’re trolling us. You HAVE to be.


Hum…seriously?!?!? I have no words because WTF are actually not enough!

At least Steve Harvey admits that he started his advice segment for the jokes. My problem is that it should have stayed that way, A JOKE.


Dear (mostly) straight, White guys and Steve Harvey:

Stop saying that you’re an expert on how women can catch and keep a man, as if he’s a Pokemon, because you have a penis.


An awkward woman who’s already spent way too much of her life buying into this B.S.

P.S: Since listening to Steve Harvey’s irritating advice is what spurred on this blog post, I only focused on male self-proclaimed relationship gurus. However, I feel the same way about the female gurus who offer up the same trite advice (Looking at you Patti Stanger).

P.P.S: Not wanting to listen to your bullshit advice does not make me  a “man-hating, bitter” woman. Like Chimamanda said “Marriage can be a source of joy and love and mutual support” and I definitely hope to find the right guy to marry one day (hey future boo!). I’m just not going to do it using your asinine, derogatory 1950s mentality. And if that’s what it takes to get a man, then it’s a good thing I’m Catholic (hey convent!)

Also, LA step up your radio game!

4 thoughts on “Let’s NOT ask Steve!

  1. Monique says:

    “Stop saying that you’re an expert on how women can catch and keep a man, as if he’s a Pokémon, because you have a penis.” Literary gold! Ditto all of your comments to Tyrese’s attempts to give women relationship advice as well. Great post.


  2. chris says:

    Honestly, relationships are a lot of work. On top of that, you need to be invested in it. I personally read a lot of relationship books and things like that to help me, but it didn’t help me as well as one on one interactions. I actually signed up on multiple forums to get help with problems like this and even at http://relationshipsandadvice.weebly.com to be led in the right direction. By doing this, my relationship has been extremely healthy now!


    • claireaj says:

      Hi Chris,

      I’m glad the forums and the one on one interactions worked for you. You’re right when you say that relationships are hard work and that you need to invested in them. Do I think that sometimes advice from outside parties can be useful? Absolutely. My problem is the trend of so-called relationship experts telling (mostly) women what they’re doing wrong to catch a man. The emphasis is always put on the woman. Frankly, I think a lot of what makes succesful relationships is less about what you read. By the time you’re actively seeking out that information, you’ve probably grown and realized a lot of things about yourself which can help you have a more succesful relationship. So I guess it’s kind of like “the chicken or the egg” dilemma.

      Thank you for reading and sharing your opinion. I like hearing people’s different perspectives 🙂


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