Are you thirsty? Celebrity edition

#FBF…Thought we’d revisit this one as well. I’m only talking about people who are thirsty when it comes to celebrities but I have seen some PARCHED behavior in real life so stay tuned for the regular folk version. Also, turns out I’ve disappointing y’all with long absences for years. I will never change and I’ve accepted myself for who I truly am. I hope you have as well. 

——————–

Welcome back folks! I know I’ve been gone for a while, but I was trying to…you know…have a life. That’s a damn lie I’m just SUPER lazy, which is a terrible trait for a “blogger”. But after getting several reminder messages that it’s been a while since my last post, I decided to sit down and try to write something. After much digging and searching, I found the perfect topic to discuss, thanks to Valentine’s day (and years of scrolling through Youtube comments)

You may be thinking “Oh boy! We’re about to read 500 words of pure bitterness” or “If she starts talking about how much she loves LOVE, I’m burning my computer.” If you are then a) You’re a hater and b) You’re wrong. I wouldn’t do that to y’all. You’re entitled to be bitterly single (or bitterly in a relationship) as well as happily single ( or in a relationship).

If you spent Feb 14th like this:

(via NBC's Parks and Recreation)

(via NBC’s Parks and Recreation)

Or like this:

(via CW's Vampire Diaries)

(via CW’s Vampire Diaries)

Or even like this:

(via NBC's Friends)

(via NBC’s Friends)

…more power to you! I’m not particularly interested in telling you what you’re doing wrong or right. Mainly because I’m definitely doing it wrong.

However, I do think I can lend my expertise to help you figure out if you’re THIRSTY. (My friend and I discussed starting a Youtube channel to talk about this and I really think we did the world a disservice by not following through with that plan).

Now before we can figure out if you’re thirsty, let’s consult Urban dictionary to see what exactly THIRST/THIRSTY means.

Thirst-y (adjective): Pronounced /ˈTHərstē/ — Too eager for attention, desperate

After reading that definition, if you thought, even for a split second that you might be thirsty, chances are, you definitely probably possibly might be. For the rest of y’all, you may be a little bit more stubborn but I’ve got more evidence to present.

Exhibit A: Do you leave these sorts of comments on celebrities’ (or people you don’t know personally) Instagram pages? In light of Valentine’s day, I’m including some personal favorites:

Thirst example 1 O R                    Thirsty comments 2

Side note: that one time you took a picture together after a concert, does not mean that you’re [insert “star” name here]’s soul mate. Leaving comments alluding to the contrary is still creepy. Hate to break it to you boo boo.

Exhibit B: Do you tweet celebrities 19823776655 times a day, hoping that they will tweet back?

Exhibit C: Do you think that a particular celebrity might secretly have a crush on you because they favorited your tweet?

Exhibit D: Do you walk around telling people that [whoever the kids are obsessing over these days] is your soul mate?

Exhibit E: Do you make comments like : “Oh my goodness, please let me babysit.” or “Can you adopt me?” on YouTubers’ videos?

If you’ve even thought about saying yes to any of those questions, then I’m talking to you.

Welcome my child! The first step is admitting that you may have a problem. I just want you to know that there is help.

First step: Thirst Detox! Also known as…

Thirsty

( via NBC’s Will and Grace)

– Stop doing what you’re doing, RIGHT THIS SECOND!

Odds are, if you answered yes to these questions, you’re a 12 year-old Justin Bieber fan and I don’t expect better from you. If you’re not, then we need to re-evaluate your priorities.

I have no problem going old school and throwing a shoe/chancla to knock some sense into you (Caribbean/Hispanic children have survived centuries of shoe-throwing and are better for it! I would just be doing my part)

Second step : See step 1.

There really shouldn’t be more than 1 step to this. Leaving these sorts of comments reeks of desperation.  You’re better than this, or at least you should be.

If none of those steps work, we can always go the Maury route. I can imagine the promo for the episode now: *Maury voice* If you or a family member suffers from thirstiness and would like help quenching your thirst, call 1-800- MAURY. That’s 1-800-MAURY. Call now!

By the way, some of y’all might be thinking, “Well…no offense but you have thirsty tendencies as well. You keep referring to Idris Elba as your hubby.”

And to that I respond, “I’m sorry but you seem to be confused. He belongs to me. [Finish the lyric]”

P.S: If you couldn’t finish that lyric, get your life! And consult this masterpiece. 90s Realness!

P.P.S:  On a serious note, it’s disconcerting to see some of the comments on Youtube videos, Instagram and tweets from “fans”. And a lot of them are from the youths. Kids, I understand that you may strongly relate to these youtubers but telling them that “they mean the world to you” or “no one matters to me more than you” is troubling. There’s a great big world out there. And while everything may feel like life or death right now (believe me, I was a 14-year-old girl once. A highly emotional one at that), it’s not. Admire and enjoy the creative content, find inspiration,  but DO NOT make these STRANGERS your priority in life. There’s a fine line between “thirsty” and stalker, and some of y’all are dangerously creeping towards stalker category. They will (and should) call the cops. Do NOT, I repeat, DO NOT show up at their house unannounced! (Yes this has happened)

Be like the rest of us. Make them your friends (in your head), but go out and make real friends.

 

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