All sorts of awkwardness…

This week is going to be a little different folks. I will be posting twice in one week (Contain your excitement mother!). One post reflecting on the events of these past few weeks (I have a lot to say and am trying to figure out the best way to say it) and this one on just my regular awkward self. Stay tuned…

It’s been a while since I’ve done a weekend wrap-up, so I think we should go with that for this week. Which, if you think about it, is so pretentious. I am assuming that my life is interesting enough that I should not only write about it, but I should ask people to read about it. Oh to be a young millennial with access to the internet and social media!

And even after this revelation about my self-centered assumption that people are interested in my life, I’m still going to write this and am still going to ask you to read it. And frankly…

Not even sorrySo here goes.  This weekend I was asked to be *sexy* and…

math-pun-284575

(Too nerdy?)

I decided to sign up for this dance master class called Seduction, and awkward does not even begin to describe my experience.

I’ve been trying to expand my comfort zone (hum yeah….thanks for that tidbit Cece Olisa. I’m obviously kidding girl. I think you’re great but this process was uncomfortable for everyone involved and I need someone to blame) and this was definitely trying too much, too soon. In the words of Kevin Hart…

she wasn't ready

The instructor kept saying “Just add your sexy”. Note to self, that does not mean tripping and falling on your behind, or apparently, ripping your pants (which I noticed today while putting away my dirty laundry). *Hangs head in shame*

Not only did I look uncoordinated and unstable on my feet, but y’all also wanted me to add “sexy”? Clearly, you were asking for way too much sir.

At some point, they decided to do a Soul Train Line-type deal. And that’s when your girl lost it. I legitimately cowered in the corner and had a panic attack.

And when we finally got into the choreography, I thought I was doing a half-way decent job…until I saw some video footage (I can’t embarrass myself to that extent on the internet, so I won’t share it).

Let’s just say…

This is what I thought I looked like:

beyonce_sexy walk

This is what I actually looked like:

awkward-Mulan-walk-home-GIF

So for those of you wondering, awkward sexy is not a thing. At least not a thing that I can make happen.

And then I had the most “meta” (I hate using that word but it applies), weird conversation with a friend, about WHETHER WE WERE FRIENDS OR NOT. We literally ended up having a DTR conversation, but about friendship. Dafuq?!?!?

ibCUUav

I was kinda intense about the whole situation (Dude, my bad). Do you ever hear yourself saying things while wondering why you’re saying them at the same time?

Here’s how that convo should have gone:

Person 1: “I’m sorry I was an ass”

Person 2: “Yeah, kinda hurt my feelings, thanks for apologizing. I’m sorry I was an ass. Didn’t realize it. Let’s hug it out and then move on.” DONE

Nope, that would have been too normal for me apparently. Instead, we talked about “baggage” and “perceptions”, blergh!. The conversation felt like couples’ therapy, with people acknowledging all sorts of feelings and shit. Ugh…

Fix-It-Jesus

Dude, let’s never, EVER, do that again. Thanks!

2 thoughts on “All sorts of awkwardness…

  1. SpecialK says:

    So funny but story two was too brief! What happened? Did ya’ll hash it out the next day?
    And FYI – Mulan does get the guy so maybe awkward sexy will work out just fine for you.

    (ps I must be super nerdy too because I double checked to make sure you had the right number of parentheses in your equation…Lord give us a life)

    Like

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